Sex and Love

     The most frustrating aspect of some marriages in general, and my marriage specifically to a woman I love deeply, is the gap that sometimes develops between us because of my inability to fully give and receive physical affection.

     SOMETIMES I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!! SOMETIMES I CAN'T FEEL IT!!! SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT TO EVEN TRY!!! SOMETIMES IT HURTS LIKE HELL!!!  In any case, it's hard to breach the wall of disappointment between my wife and I trying to explain these things.

     Even after 25 years of a monogamous relationship. After 20 years of a loving marriage, my wife and I are blessed with four kids.  I didn't expect that after the kids were no longer babies, that we'd ever have trouble expressing our feelings--vocally, emotionally, or physically.  I looked forward to these years.  Then 2 years ago, BAM! I went on the sexual function disabled list.

     We've tried everything, yet most of the time we are both frustrated by the wonderful peace that follows sex.  Think about it.  What if you had to stop making love, more frequently than not, and the emotional void that would follow. Both my wife and I struggle with feelings of inadequacy.  Unfortunately, all of the talking, explaining in the world doesn't fill the void.

     Particularly, I hate that the woman I love, the woman I'm more physically attracted too today than 10 or 20 years ago, is puzzled and unsatisfied.  "It's not you, it's me", doesn't satisfy as would the act of my simply showing her.

     That's it in a nutshell: I am usually unable to show my wife how much I love her.  She says it's not the sex.  I think for her it's emotional satisfaction leads to good physical sex. I feel emotionally inadequate, thus fail to deliver on that front, too.  Good sex for me draws me closer to my wife, and the emotional satisfaction she craves.  It's as if we're rotating in different directions.

     Well, life isn't perfect. I thank God that I have her.

      Please drop me a note by commenting on this article if you've experienced this and what you did to work around it.  I'll protect your anonymity. Thanks

Comments

[ajmcgill]

I have been with my husband for 23 years. The kids are finally out of the house (for now at least) and I've had this blasted condition for 2 years as well.

I don't know what to tell you. I just don't feel like making love when I'm taking stong pain meds. If I don't take my meds I'm in too much pain to even consider it.

I am very much in love with my husband and I think he is very attractive. He's just wonderful to me and I feel so guilty about everything. I can't do the housework, I can't do the yardwork, I can't do all of the cooking anymore and now I don't want to make love either. I wouldn't blame him if he left me. I don't think there are any magic answers for this.

I would like to say that with patience and understanding this will all go away but I don't think that's necessarily true.

If anyone comes up with anything to help with this part of our new lives, I would be very interested to hear it.

[Becky]

I am in the same situation with you 2 as well. I don't have any desire for sex and it is starting to be a problem with my boyfriend of 14 yrs. I know he loves me so much and would go no where else for sex. I am not sure if it is the arachnoiditis, or my antidepressants,I have changed those to Cymbalta. I think it might be helping that part of my life. Yesterday I was kinda getting H**** which that is a feeling I have not had for a long time. Time will tell. Good luck to you both and if anyone of us has any ideas let me in on it.

[poolmad]

Well ladies you can thank your lucky stars about this one. you see, unlike other women you don't have to say "I'm sorry, not tonight darling I have a headache" Or any of those old excuses us guys have heard over the years.

Only kidding girls it's me John. Rofl.