Did it ever cross your mind that Arachnoiditis, or any other pain you feel that is chronic results from a life lived too well? I've thought that. Sometimes I even think that God has decided that I'll serve him better if I'm hurt. I lived the good life for a long time. As I've said before, no crumbs left on this table.
My kids don't get it. They don't know how lucky they are. It's my fault. I spoil them then wonder why they don't appreciate things. I haven't had a drink in almost 20 years. That's the price you pay for la vida loca. I got sober and found God in the process. Now he wants me to do something different with my life.
No more happy go lucky, swinging with the big dicks, buying anything I want and going where I please. When ever I wanted, I got; wherever I wanted to go, I went.
I was at school with a guy we called Dogboy. Dogboy didn't really go to school. He didn't write papers or attend classes. His father took away his trust fund. He went from Richie Rich to a worthless bum overnight. He had a bad drug habit and learned to adapt to the "life". Broke junkie on the streets of Manhattan. Whenever he scrounged money he did 2 things. He bought a stash, and he cleaned his clothes. Say this for him, he always look presentable.
The school kicked him out but did a poor job of letting people know he was no longer a student. Despite everything else, Dogboy wasn't stupid. He spent a couple of years ducking into art history and music humanities classes. Funny, huh? No, it was part of his plan. Dogboy would go to the Met and slip in between acts. He loved the opera. Guess who else loves the opera? Really wealthy people who invariably fell for his charm, wit, and intelligence. Rich people, like a lot of gay people claim, can always spot their own. Dogboy, was one of their own.
He was also a handsome guy and found that he could cruise gay bars, come on to a guy, and strip him clean of his money and drugs. He was also attractive to trust fund daughters, who tended to the wilder side of life.
One of the more amazing things I'd seen in my life was Dogboy, leaving a buddy's apartment with a couple of bucks (where he was crashing), calling 2 days later from Aspen, or Santa Barbara, or Miami telling some crazy story about these girls he met, whose parents were in Europe, who bought him all new clothes, and that we should hightail it immediately to visit. It might be ten in the morning, but there would always be the sound of a party in the background.
He got away with this crap for a long time. I didn't know Dogboy too well. His good friend (still living and sobered up) happened to be a buddy of mine. I ran into Dogboy in the street several years after school. The train had come off the tracks. He was homeless. I said hi and he stopped, clearly not knowing me. Then the charm came back. I gave him a button ($20.00) and he hustled away as if I might change my mind. You seen nothing until you've seen how low a person can go. Give this credit, he was still alive.
My problem is that I've seen a lot. Not wars and that type of thing. I've seen what happens to people who turn their backs on God. I fear His furious anger, and great punishment...when he lets us do what we will.
Now I'm in a Good Place. Maybe He wants me to help. Praise to Him. God bless, Colin
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