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October 07, 2006


re: good idea too bad

THis is all sound advice. THe hard part is when your spouse decides your disability (AA, spine disease, etc) has to go and you with it. THere is no falling in love again, or re-commitment when the spouse says I would rather have you dead than disabled or crippled. So, 'GO OFF AND DIE before you bankrupt me' is what I hear for support. It is like listening to a Nazi.

That kind of support does no supporting and helps not one iota to an arach situation. Mine is similar to Wanda's in that I have diffuse advanced adhesive arach, complicated by a birth defect (6 lumbar segments on one side, 5 on the other, leading to spondylosis, multiple Failed Back Surgery Syndrome, etc, AND an ongoing ruptured disk, severe central stenosis, and a 3 level fusion which has settled over, and resting on the L-5 at a 30 degree angle, crushing all sorts of ligaments and muscle/nerve fibers. As if AA wasn;t enough.

I guess they feel like 5 surgeries, with only 3 of them working, is not a good enough track record.

It is hard to fight the pain, but fighting the health bigotry and the anger at something I cannot control, despite 8 doctors (who refuse to do any more operating, even though it is clear the ruptured disk MUST be fixed) is more than I care to listen to. Most of my docs are doing the best they can to control the foot neuropathy, the brain neuropathy, the mega migraines, and the shooting lumbar pain, but someone HAS to do this surgery, and no one wants to. I have seen experts at every medical center within 50 miles, and a few major ones across the country. The only one who WILL do the op needs me in a nursing home in AZ for a month after surgery and in a body cast for a year. THAT won;t work and has been vetoed by the whole family. GO figure.

Well, that is all from here. Those of you who have supportive, loving spouses, enjoy it while you can. It can go south on you at any time. Health, relationships, it all comes and goes like the tides.

Peace, all.


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