How many husbands and wives escape the bondage of anger? Any? Normal children rebel against their parents; it's part of growing-up. I fed-up with head-shots and body blows from my kids. I see the cause, and understand it. I'm bothered by the anger, no rage, that is an undercurrent within my family. I think that if we were all just a little more concerned about what we're doing and how it affects dad, the guy in constant pain, the family would be happier. Hell, I'm the one in constant pain around here.
This truckload of self pity that I hoist around is among the more dangerous feelings I experience. I've never done the one thing that might actually move us, the family, past this junk.
As of today, I will look in the mirror and do the human thing. This morning I said to myself "Why me?". What did I ever do to deserve this life of chronic pain? This sucks. I struggle with my faith yet still have now given myself permission to say, "God's plan or not. I don't have to like it. It's not frigging fair. Not only do I suffer, but my wife does , too. My kids do, too."
My family now has permission to be mad. I had visibly suffered, then held their happiness hostage because I can't be fixed. I told each kid that it's okay to be mad. I told them that it wasn't their fault if I didn't feel well. Lets get together kids and instead of feeling sorry for me or feeling pity, let's just get pissed-off. Yell your head off. See if you can scream louder than me.
To my poor wife, of whom I expect complete and unconditional understanding, tell me this totally sucks, and that our lives are now indelibly changed. Those great plans, well...put them to the flame.
It has to be the case that until or unless we become completely honest about how we feel, we'll never get by this place, which is hell on earth.
I think that once we stop pretending that everything is okay, nothing will be okay.
My wife and kids must know that they are allowed to have expectations of me, and that I'll do everything in my power to meet those expectations. How else could they ever respect their father.
A saccharine life is no life. Let's pretend it's real sugar. This doesn't work.
Heavenly Ki
ng, I'm where I am for some reason I don't understand. I don't like it. Please give me the strength to do Your will. Give me the wisdom to say the words You want me to say. But dear Jesus Christ, don't expect me to like it. Amen.
FYI. Plans are moving forward quickly to create an action committee. This committee is for each and every disabled American who believes that we need to have our special interests driven in Washington. It's frustrating that so many of us accept the status quo as our due; it's not! Please voice your support, unless you feel your interests are adequately represented. A group of individual, action in concert created this great nation. As individuals we have little power, as a group, we have a lot. Drop a note, post a comment, get involved. Whining on a chat board is a poor substitute for real change. WE WANT OUR PRIVACY PROTECTED. WE WANT THE RIGHT TO RECOVER.
God bless, Colin
I AM TRYING TO FIND MEDICAL COVERAGE THAT IS AFFAORDABLE. I CANNOT PAY THE COBRA FEE. I AM 61, A
NURSE, 31YEARS. WORKED FULL TIME THROUGH 9/06. I CAN'T FIND HELP. I FALL THROUGH THE CRACKS. I AM TOO OLD, TOO YOUNG, ETC. ETC.
Posted by: DIANE M WALKER | November 12, 2006 at 01:47 PM
I can relate to all these stories. My Daughter says that I've always been so independent that maybe this is Gods' way of teaching me to rely on others. I live on 940.00 a month disability and get 12.00 in food stamps. I have no insurance, so all my DR's visit's have to be cash. I have always worked, raised three kids without help from the Government. I take five medications a day ad those to are cash. I feel as though the Government is much more interested in helping people that have never worked and never will than those of us that have. God Bless you all.
Posted by: Mary Crofton | November 12, 2006 at 07:09 PM