I'm Praying as Fast as I Can.

       Dear God,

         Hi, God, it's me, Colin.  I have a question for you; I know, I should know the answer by now.  If I say a Hail Mary, but don't think about what the words mean or how those words are significant today, is this a prayer?  What if I just mouth the words but don't kneel, is this a prayer?  Do the words have to be said out loud for this to count in my "lifetime prayers total?"

     Is it a prayer if I smile at my wife?  It's a rainy, cool day, my favorite, and I smiled this morning when I woke-up and looked out the window.  I didn't thank you, but I was happy; is this a prayer?  My eldest daughter is going to college next year and just yesterday she stayed home from school; we had breakfast together.  Did you make this happen?  Glory be...?  (Is that a prayer, too?)

     I'm writing this because I pray more now than I used to.  Reflective moments often become transitional thoughts that progress from reminiscence to happiness leading to gratitude praising Him for all of the wonderful times, special people and unique gifts that have been bestowed upon me.  In this respect I'm not unique.  A beautiful hymn, "Precious Memories" offers thanks to God for all of the quiet and loud special moments in our lives.  That hymn makes me teary.

     I think this is a function of age.  I turned 48 last March; 48 wonderful years.  Just like all of us 48 years of ups and downs, births, marriages and deaths have passed through my life, but I feel old.

     How many Thanksgivings remain?  Who's next for the train to the sweet by-and-by?  How many more seconds will tick before my first grandchild is born?  Which of my Children, I've got 4, will marry first?  My wife, Karen, is on the fence concerning if when and where we'll retire.  Will she finally agree to move to New England?  Will I spend my twilight years on a porch overlooking the ocean, drinking coffee and shooting at seals?  Will Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble finally compete against Ralph Cramden and Ed Norton in a game of cheater's Monopoly?

     It's a hell of a good life despite chronic pain.  Thank you, Lord and may I continue to expand in my capability to live in the splendor of your world, thankfully praying and learning, finally to love myself and others as You will.  Despite the pain that rips the fabric of my life, help me mend the lives of others not forgetting that You have erected a "Bridge Out" sign on the road on which I'd been traveling.  Give me the strength Lord to change directions, change with my surroundings and with constant pain as a new companion, find a way to offer-up my pain to help others who suffer more than I do.

     I just read Wanda's piece.  I think it's humbling, do you?  God bless you girlie; prayers for a good outcome to your upcoming surgery.  Annie, you'll crush these sons of bitches who are causing you misery on top of your pain; you've come too far for anything else to happen.  Kathy, thanks for the kind thoughts and emails; I pray God you get a satisfying breath every now and then.

     Hi Val.  Please send me another picture of the happy little pup; the last one didn't show the face!

     A long list could follow; it should follow this short one. People, His servants, angels to me, I've come to know and love in just one year.  God put all of you in my life and I'm a lot better off for it.

     Holy God, of course the silly questions I posed at the begining of this article don't matter a whit.  What matters is saying thanks, to You, and to each and everyone who has read this little blog.  You're all helping me get better. Bless all of you, Colin